Learning to Love and Understand

As it is the night before Christmas and the only thing stirring is a year gone past. We all tend to reflect on the life we have led and the good and bad things we have enjoyed and endured. Our relationships with family, friends and loved ones that at times have been good and at times bad. I do not think we ever truly get it 100% right in life but I always try to come close to at least 99%, someday I may achieve it. It is hard because we are only human beings scurrying around this big planet trying to do what in our minds that is right through our own eyes and perception of right and wrong or good and bad.

Love is a strange and a miraculous pleasure as we all need and want this great gift gave to us. Some days we do take for granted this great gift that another shares with us. This can be our greatest downfall as it is the greatest gift one can give to another. It is something that you can not ask for it has to be given unconditionally. The word choice is one I use a lot when I talk with people as it was stated throughout time and biblically. As the bible said we are given free choice, to do what is healthy for our own minds and others and the people we love and even some times when we do not understand how they perceive the world around them. A lot of people do not know I have the religious and spiritual ends to me as over time it took me a long time to grow into a loving and caring human being. The greatest judge of us is ourselves and how we treat the people we love and care about especially those that are the closest to us in our hearts.

Tomorrow being Christmas and as we all know it has been taken to a point of forgetting what its true meaning was about and the gift that was given to us. The real gifts of love and happiness and that of family and friends can out weigh any expensive gift from a store. The gift we were given as per the bible was that of a man of flesh and blood that taught us as a civilization that love out weighs hate and all negative thought that surrounds and engulfs us at times in our lives. The people that enter in our lives and sometimes only for that split second that just has that certain smile that gives you that warm feeling inside or that feeling of peace is good for our souls.

Tomorrow as you wake up take that moment to reflect on the people that surround your life and thank them for being a part of your life. Someday you may wake and they not be there to look across your bed you shared and looked into their eyes and whispered I love you too. Relationships are never easy with friends, family or loved ones as there are always exterior forces that will test them. The thing that I suggest as the day progresses and you do your holiday tradition is look at those you love and care for in this world and just whisper to them those three words that were given to us as a gift " I love you" and can not picture my life without you in my arms, in my heart or on this earth we share.

 Merry Christmas - ER Hoyt - Author of Prove me Wrong

Learning to love and understand

I was always the man that thought he had to do not just do things because they were there to be done. I was always the tough ass always having to be the one in control of my life and went through some real bumpy times. A friend of mine said to me a few weeks back that I was in the past in love with the thought of being in love but never truely ended up there until now. It struck me as strange as I have been married before and did the soul searching as many of us do throughout our lives but never really examined if I was and one thing I will never change about myself is I like to examine life.
We all want to be loved and have that feeling of love that sometimes people crave for acceptance of our friends and family or from our childhood that we never recieved. It is one of the most said things to people but never truely understood a we all have our opinions on it. In relationships I believe we all try but without taking the time to sit back and examine it from time to time it makes it hard. Hard to understand why we love this person so much and if they say something that makes us hurt instead of communicating it we lash or withdraw. Love is one of the most complex things we have in this world we live in as many never truely feel that they are loved or even love themselves. One of the most intelligent things ever said to me is put yourself in the mind of a 10 year old and how they percieve the world and then imagine that because of tradgedy or a life event a person stopped growing inside. How would they percieve the world.  A lot that read that will be saying oh he is talking about me but all of us at one time in our life have that thing that just makes us go oh my god how did I ever come up with that or figure that out. It is hard to go through life always looking for that right person, the one when you wake up next too them you couldn't picture yourself anywhere's else besides in that moment with them. It is the small guestures each do each other in the relationship. If it is just bringing you home a thing of M&M's that you like or that when you look down they just whisper in your ear they love you. I find today many people lose the romance and love in their relationships because they because of things the other has done on purpose or by accident with no intent behind it still hurts the other.
I have been a lucky man myself to find that one person that really gets me. Do not get me wrong we have had our problems but love each other enough to sit down and discuss why the things the other have done have hurt the other or the things that makes the other feel good. Communication is one of the keys that I have found that is a must in a relationship. If you do not have that then both are guessing what is wrong or why the other is hurting or lashing out. My wife sent me a few papers on better relationships as we try to grow ours each and everyday. If it is as small a guesture of when we wake up in the morning to just say I love you to a little text when your not expecting it. If anyone said relationships or even friendships at times are easy then wow they need to look in the mirror. In a relationship you also do need to be friends also because how many times in a relationship have you just gone and done something and if that was your friend you would of asked them first if it was alright with them also. Assuming as the proverb goes can cause a lot of grief. I owe a lot of credit to my wife as she has helped me grow as a human being and as a man. She taught me something called " unconditional love" of another human being. We automatically give that to our family and children but find it hard to do with another human being. I know it has been one of my challenges throughout my own life and has caused me grief. A joke she sent me yesterday about how us as men percieve really struck home. As I teased her and said did you read it also. We as men are brought up in this world to be the protector and supposed to be the strong one at all times. A lot of men don't have the ability to even cry because they were taught from birth that real men do not do that. Well for the females that do read this please if you take one thing from this, we can not guess what you are thinking. If your significant other says to you whats wrong, we know something is bothering you. If you do need a couple minutes if it is something that really has you fuming and to the point you know it will end up in an arguement then take a couple minutes to breathe and relax but utter some simple words. Yes I am upset but at the moment I need some time to gather my thoughts so I can talk rationally and not emotionally. I learned that one myself the hard way a few times by pushing the issue and knowing very well she was upset but that morbid curosity of I have hurt the woman I love and need to know why so I can correct it. I think I will leave it at this for today as I have to go to the job so I can pay my bills as this is what I enjoy to do but does give me great joy and yes the pay off is great because once you learn to understand why you love it makes it a lot easier to love and be loved.